ReintegratingPosted: July 5, 2012
Okay. So I have been back for a month, officially. I have to be honest; readjusting to coming home was extremely hard for me, and I am still trying to get through it, taking it day-by-day.
I remember walking into the apartment, setting down my luggage, and a wave of nostalgia coming over me. I missed everyone and everything emphatically, and between trying to find work, a new apartment, and figuring out what my next step would be, I felt so overwhelmed. I withdrew a lot, and became kind of reclusive. It was probably pretty sad to watch, but my
caretaker boyfriend held my hand every step of the way and encourages me every day and I am so grateful that I have him here to help me.
I didn’t think coming back would be this difficult. After the vipassana meditation retreat (more on that soon), I felt so serene and at peace with everything. It made my last weekend in Sri Lanka completely drama-free and neutral. Leaving the school and saying goodbye to my students and Samudra-Teacher (more on this soon, too) was far-less heartbreaking than I had anticipated. I didn’t even cry over the handful of beautiful thank-you cards that the students made, or when darling Samu leaned into me for a deep hug, on the verge of tears. I didn’t cry saying goodbye to my little Sri Lankan family, whom I lived with for two months and who took care of me as if I was one of their own. I even kept my cool at the ridiculous Bandaranaike International Airport where other local travelers insisted on edging me forward in queues by knocking my ankles with their luggage carts (now that was a pleasant exchange at 4 in the morning). The meditation retreat did so much for me in that one week of beautiful, thoughtful silence, that I truly believed I would be able to keep it up when I got home, and stay peaceful and mindful and full of loving kindness.
It didn’t quite work out that way.
I’m still working through some things. I’m getting out a little more. I’m trying not to feel too sorry for myself. The job/apartment hunt continues but I am so glad to have something to keep me moderately busy. I have been eye-balling a stack of signed, addressed, and stamped thank-you cards that have been waiting to be posted. I’ll get there.
So while I get my act together, be on the look out for post-updates (old posts getting updated with pictures), pictures from the trip, and more on my second month in Sri Lanka and the vipassana meditation retreat.
Anyone else find re-entry as hard as I do? Or maybe someone has an upcoming trip to an exotic land so I can live vicariously through you?